How do you react when you are frustrated?

Calm and balanced?  Mean and spiteful? Do you drive your teammates bonkers? Or perhaps you run away and hide in a quiet place.

Whatever your reaction, you are not alone!

Everyone has some reaction to being frustrated, and you may discover that people with similar personality types have a tendency to react just like you.

So, as someone who gets frustrated, what do you do?  How do you want other people to interact with you?

Communication Workshop #1, Part 2

… Exploring Personality Types and Communication Preferences

In a workshop I recently facilitated, participants explored how they handled themselves and interactions with others when they were frustrated.  After dividing into temperament groups, they discussed and reflected on two different questions:

• How do you react when you are frustrated?
• How do you want other people to interact with you when you are frustrated?

SJ Temperament

Participants with an SJ temperament agreed that they tend to be organizers and stabilizers.  They believe that long hard work will lead to success, and that organizations should run on facts.  SJ’s like accuracy, order, discipline, and data – sometimes to the extreme.

The SJ group in the workshop discovered some interesting correlations when discussing the questions posed, and found that they sought information and analysis when stressed, just as they would under normal circumstances.

If you know someone who is an SJ, or want to pinpoint who might be an SJ, when they are stressed you may see behaviours like:

• “Holy Crap!”
• Sitting down to assess the situation, including what went wrong, and collecting readily available data.
• Checking assumptions, and searching for the root cause:
  • If they find a root cause, they will let you know what’s going on
  • If they don’t find one, they will ask for help

When you have come upon a stressed SJ, be sure to give them some space and time to think.  They will ask for help when they need it.  If you do decide to approach them, make sure you bring them data to work with that will help their current predicament.

SP Temperament

People with an SP temperament are often mediators and trouble-shooters.  They focus on the present moment, are strong in crisis management, and are action-oriented.  They may seem to be careless due to limited planning, but are simply just focused on doing what’s necessary for the current need.

In the workshop, the SP participants discovered that they sought fun and immediate action when stressed, and tended towards fire-fighting in resolving problems.

If you know someone who is an SP, or want to pinpoint who might be an SP, you may find that when they are stressed they:

• React immediately, and will do something (anything) over doing nothing
• Try to find the positive in every situation
• Will not keep things inside
• Shift focus to the most important thing at hand

When you have come upon a stressed SP, don’t waste their time with unimportant things.  They don’t want meetings to address an issue.  To help them become less stressed, only go to them with the right solution… and when a solution is identified, just go for it!

NT Temperament

Those with an NT temperament tend to be visionaries and strategists.  They are creative, and appreciate intellectual skill and critical analysis.  They want organizations to grow and develop, but may seem to take contributions for granted.

There were a lot of NT’s in the workshop, and in true ‘thinker’ style spent a lot more time than other groups discussing the questions posed.  They agreed that when stressed they all tend to have a long fuse, but can become pretty harsh with other people when that fuse is being used up.

If you know someone who is an NT, or want to pinpoint who might be an NT, you may find that when they are stressed they:

• Need alone time to calm down
• Are argumentative, stubborn, and blunt
• Can be sarcastic, cruel, and cold
• Will say things like “That’s not fair!”
• Are irritable, annoyed, and ill-tempered
• Will vent to someone trusted

When you have come upon a stressed NT, you are better off leaving them alone until they have been able to calm down.  Let them finish their task on their own, and if necessary, send them an email so they can respond and follow up with you later.  Otherwise, a beer out with trusted colleagues or friends will help them relieve stress quite effectively.

NF Temperament

The participants with an NF temperament agreed that they can often be the diplomats, team-builders, and catalysts for change.  They are supportive, value the development of people, and believe that the potential of the people are the strength of the organization.  They often take on more than they can handle though, and can seem to be overly emotional and not focused on obtaining concrete results.

In the workshop, the NF people discovered that when stressed they all tended towards thinking and feeling, either about themselves, or others they are interacting with.

If you know someone who is an NF, or want to pinpoint who might be an NF, you may find that when they are stressed they:

• Need time to be quiet & alone
• May lean towards distractions, and take on something new that feels productive
• Will vent to someone trusted
• Can appear short tempered.  They have a long fuse though, but when really pushed beyond their limit, you better watch out!

When you have come upon a stressed NF, your best approach with them will be to establish a personal connection.  Ask them how they are doing, listen to them, do not dismiss their feelings, and provide reassurance.  Don’t force them into a conversation though… if they are not receptive, send them an email so they can follow up with you if, and when, they are ready.

Awareness

The signs of frustration for different personality temperaments aren’t absolutes for every one you meet.  Each individual will have their own unique reactions and preferences for interacting with others when stressed.  I hope that the summaries above help start you on that path to understanding.

Become more aware of the people you work and engage with, particularly in their communication styles and behaviour patterns. Awareness and choosing to interact consciously with others to the benefit of both parties will improve relationships and the effectiveness of individuals, teams, and organizations.

To start to develop self-awareness in your own styles and behaviours, consider:

• How do you internalize stress?
• What behaviours do you exhibit when stressed that others see?
• How can you effectively relieve stress, or simply work effectively with other people when you are stressed?

Next Up

The next entry in my Communication Series will look at congruent and incongruent communication patterns, how to identify them, and what you can do to help make the most of them. Stay tuned!

Are you new to Myers-Briggs?    To learn more, visit the Myers & Briggs Foundation, or check out Myers-Briggs on Wikipedia.

After a workshop a few weeks ago I asked what they would like they next topic to be.  Based on recent 1:1 discussions, I expected something on technical skills, but to my surprise, everyone requested communication!

They wanted to learn how to have more effective conversations, handle frustrating situations, and simply communicate better with their team members.

After a couple weeks of cancelled workshops (the flu, and a week away at AYE kept me from the office) I was finally able to hold the first of a workshop series on communication.

Communication Workshop #1

… Introduction to Personality Types and Communication Preferences

My goal for the first workshop was to introduce the Myers-Briggs personality types, look at some type differences, and have participants discuss and collaborate in particular activities relating to types.

Prior to the workshop, participants completed a free online Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test. If you are interested in taking one, try either: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp, http://www.personalitytest.net/cgi-bin/q.pl. They may not be as accurate as one administered by a trained professional, but have been fairly reliable in my experience.

Myers-Briggs Basics

In the workshop I provided an introductory summary of the Myers-Briggs type preferences and temperaments. I have spent a lot of time learning and reading about Myers-Briggs types over the last five years (and thank the AYE hosts for a lot of that); while I’m not an ‘expert’, I am comfortable introducing and discussing Myers-Briggs concepts.

At a high level, MBTI is used to identify basic preferences of each of four dichotomies. These dichotomies are:

• Orientation of Energy: Do you gain energy from external (E – extraversion) sources, or from within yourself / internal (I – introversion)?
• Information: Do you gather information from facts and details (S – sensing), or by understanding the big picture / gut feels (N – intuition)?
• Decisions: Do you first look at logic and principles to make decisions (T – thinking), or based on the needs and values of the people involved (F – feeling)?
• Structure: When dealing with the outer world, do you prefer to have everything settled and organized (J – judging), or have things open ended and flexible (P – perceiving)?

“Personality type is what you prefer when you are using your mind or focusing your attention.” – Myers Briggs Foundation.

Your personality type is your preferred way of interacting and responding. It is not an indicator of your skills, abilities, or destiny. For example, just as you might eat chocolate cake when you prefer cheesecake, you might make decisions based on logic when you prefer to make decisions based on the people involved.

Learning about your type will help you better understand yourself, the strengths & challenges for both yourself and others, how your preferences are different from those of other people, and how to improve communication with others.

Temperaments

The next concept discussed was Temperaments, the four categories that encompass the 16 different Myers-Briggs personality types. The four different temperaments (from What Type Am I, by Renee Baron) are:

• SJ (sensing-judging): Duty Seekers - Motivated by a need to be responsible in whatever social group (work, community, family) they are in, they value tradition. In work, they focus on the hierarchy of the organization.
• SP (sensing-perceiving): Action Seekers - Motivated by a need for freedom and a need to act, they value living in the moment. In work, they focus on the expedient needs of the organization.
• NT (intuition-thinking): Knowledge Seekers – Motivated by a need for knowledge & competency, they value the theoretical and the powers of the mind. In work, they focus on the mission & systems of the organization.
• NF (intuition-feeling): Ideal Seekers – Motivated by a need to understand themselves & others, they value authenticity & integrity and strive for an ideal world. In work, they focus on the growth needs of the organization.

Type Mapping

In the first workshop activity everyone added their name to a chart to map out the personality types of the participants. Everyone found it quite interesting to see who had the same type, who was similiar, and who was quite different.  People were intrigued, even those who were not particularly interested in this ‘hokey-pokey’ stuff.

At a glance, without even understanding the basics provided above, it affirmed some dynamics in relationships and interactions amongst the participants.

Also intriguing was that the chart showed what my own hiring preferences were.   It turned out that more than 90% of the people I hired were of NF and NT temperament.  It seems I don’t hire in people with different preferences as much as I had thought.

This exercise was a good reminder to be more aware in the interview process, so as not to subconsciously reject people with SP and SJ tendencies. I hope I didn’t offend anyone (says my own NF temperament)!

Next Up

In my next entry, I will share highlights of the collaborative exercises completed in the workshop. Participants were divided into temperament groups to learn more about their temperament (based on information I provided), and explore three different questions:

• Which role or job function in the company would your temperament be best suited for?
• As a temperament group, how do you react when you are frustrated?
• As a temperament group, how do you want other people to interact with you when you are frustrated?

I look forward to sharing that with you soon!

See Communication Series Part 2!

Are you new to Myers-Briggs?    To learn more, visit the Myers & Briggs Foundation, or check out Myers-Briggs on Wikipedia.