Signs of Frustration – Communication Series Part 2

How do you react when you are frustrated?

Calm and balanced?  Mean and spiteful? Do you drive your teammates bonkers? Or perhaps you run away and hide in a quiet place.

Whatever your reaction, you are not alone!

Everyone has some reaction to being frustrated, and you may discover that people with similar personality types have a tendency to react just like you.

So, as someone who gets frustrated, what do you do?  How do you want other people to interact with you?

Communication Workshop #1, Part 2

… Exploring Personality Types and Communication Preferences

In a workshop I recently facilitated, participants explored how they handled themselves and interactions with others when they were frustrated.  After dividing into temperament groups, they discussed and reflected on two different questions:

• How do you react when you are frustrated?
• How do you want other people to interact with you when you are frustrated?

SJ Temperament

Participants with an SJ temperament agreed that they tend to be organizers and stabilizers.  They believe that long hard work will lead to success, and that organizations should run on facts.  SJ’s like accuracy, order, discipline, and data – sometimes to the extreme.

The SJ group in the workshop discovered some interesting correlations when discussing the questions posed, and found that they sought information and analysis when stressed, just as they would under normal circumstances.

If you know someone who is an SJ, or want to pinpoint who might be an SJ, when they are stressed you may see behaviours like:

• “Holy Crap!”
• Sitting down to assess the situation, including what went wrong, and collecting readily available data.
• Checking assumptions, and searching for the root cause:
  • If they find a root cause, they will let you know what’s going on
  • If they don’t find one, they will ask for help

When you have come upon a stressed SJ, be sure to give them some space and time to think.  They will ask for help when they need it.  If you do decide to approach them, make sure you bring them data to work with that will help their current predicament.

SP Temperament

People with an SP temperament are often mediators and trouble-shooters.  They focus on the present moment, are strong in crisis management, and are action-oriented.  They may seem to be careless due to limited planning, but are simply just focused on doing what’s necessary for the current need.

In the workshop, the SP participants discovered that they sought fun and immediate action when stressed, and tended towards fire-fighting in resolving problems.

If you know someone who is an SP, or want to pinpoint who might be an SP, you may find that when they are stressed they:

• React immediately, and will do something (anything) over doing nothing
• Try to find the positive in every situation
• Will not keep things inside
• Shift focus to the most important thing at hand

When you have come upon a stressed SP, don’t waste their time with unimportant things.  They don’t want meetings to address an issue.  To help them become less stressed, only go to them with the right solution… and when a solution is identified, just go for it!

NT Temperament

Those with an NT temperament tend to be visionaries and strategists.  They are creative, and appreciate intellectual skill and critical analysis.  They want organizations to grow and develop, but may seem to take contributions for granted.

There were a lot of NT’s in the workshop, and in true ‘thinker’ style spent a lot more time than other groups discussing the questions posed.  They agreed that when stressed they all tend to have a long fuse, but can become pretty harsh with other people when that fuse is being used up.

If you know someone who is an NT, or want to pinpoint who might be an NT, you may find that when they are stressed they:

• Need alone time to calm down
• Are argumentative, stubborn, and blunt
• Can be sarcastic, cruel, and cold
• Will say things like “That’s not fair!”
• Are irritable, annoyed, and ill-tempered
• Will vent to someone trusted

When you have come upon a stressed NT, you are better off leaving them alone until they have been able to calm down.  Let them finish their task on their own, and if necessary, send them an email so they can respond and follow up with you later.  Otherwise, a beer out with trusted colleagues or friends will help them relieve stress quite effectively.

NF Temperament

The participants with an NF temperament agreed that they can often be the diplomats, team-builders, and catalysts for change.  They are supportive, value the development of people, and believe that the potential of the people are the strength of the organization.  They often take on more than they can handle though, and can seem to be overly emotional and not focused on obtaining concrete results.

In the workshop, the NF people discovered that when stressed they all tended towards thinking and feeling, either about themselves, or others they are interacting with.

If you know someone who is an NF, or want to pinpoint who might be an NF, you may find that when they are stressed they:

• Need time to be quiet & alone
• May lean towards distractions, and take on something new that feels productive
• Will vent to someone trusted
• Can appear short tempered.  They have a long fuse though, but when really pushed beyond their limit, you better watch out!

When you have come upon a stressed NF, your best approach with them will be to establish a personal connection.  Ask them how they are doing, listen to them, do not dismiss their feelings, and provide reassurance.  Don’t force them into a conversation though… if they are not receptive, send them an email so they can follow up with you if, and when, they are ready.

Awareness

The signs of frustration for different personality temperaments aren’t absolutes for every one you meet.  Each individual will have their own unique reactions and preferences for interacting with others when stressed.  I hope that the summaries above help start you on that path to understanding.

Become more aware of the people you work and engage with, particularly in their communication styles and behaviour patterns. Awareness and choosing to interact consciously with others to the benefit of both parties will improve relationships and the effectiveness of individuals, teams, and organizations.

To start to develop self-awareness in your own styles and behaviours, consider:

• How do you internalize stress?
• What behaviours do you exhibit when stressed that others see?
• How can you effectively relieve stress, or simply work effectively with other people when you are stressed?

Next Up

The next entry in my Communication Series will look at congruent and incongruent communication patterns, how to identify them, and what you can do to help make the most of them. Stay tuned!

Are you new to Myers-Briggs?    To learn more, visit the Myers & Briggs Foundation, or check out Myers-Briggs on Wikipedia.